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There is a particular feeling that comes from living many lives at once, at least for model Tash Knox. Filipina on her mother's side, Australian on her father's, raised across Indonesia, and now based in London, where she moved a year ago for what she calls a 'Yes Year!'

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"I'm queer :)" she says when asked to briefly share her background, in the same breath as every other interesting fact about herself. She has long brown hair and smiles frequently as we speak.

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"I picture someone in armor, standing strong despite pressure from above and below"

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Her mother is one such figure in her life, and a woman shaped by historical pressure. She immigrated to Australia at a young age, and was forced to abandon the Filipino language amid the intolerant attitudes of the time. "As such, I don't speak any Filipino now, but would love to learn. Growing up, I felt some resentment at my mother for never relearning Filipino and teaching it to my brother and me, but as I grew older, I've come to see how she was doing what she believed was best."

 

As the conversation unfolds, Knox reflects on both the beauty and complexity of navigating a mixed identity. "The most beautiful thing is definitely how connected I feel to different communities," she says. Yet that sense of connection also came with self-doubt, a feeling many half-Filipinas may recognize. "The most challenging was building that confidence in my identity. Growing up and not speaking the language made me feel like a fake Filipina. At times, I felt I was even appropriating my own culture […]. It took me some time to realize that just because I was learning about my own culture from an 'outside' point of view, it doesn't make the learning any less important."

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In modelling, those tensions become sharper. Knox describes her genetics as a complicated topic. "On one hand, arguably all my modelling success comes from the fact that I am ethnically ambiguous and obviously mixed-race. I've had brands hire me the moment they found out I was half Filipina. While I'm eternally grateful for those opportunities (and for paying my rent)," she laughs, "I've also had those same brands telling me that I'm the 'perfect amount of foreign without being too much.'"

She notes that this was said verbatim by a casting director during a tropical drink campaign meant to evoke an 'island glow' aesthetic. "I couldn't understand why they'd picked me over someone with a deeper skin tone and non-Eurocentric features. These experiences have made me feel as if I am part of a white-washing scheme I never signed up for."

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"I've clearly been a 'diversity' hire (the one semi-tanned brunette amongst a sea of blonde, blue-eyed white women) and that has felt like a bit of a joke. I've been worried about speaking up, but the few times I have, I've either been dismissed or fired from projects, and then seen them go on without any diversity at all."

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In London, Knox co-hosts By Purr Events, a social space for queer women and nonbinary people. "When I first moved to London, I knew exactly 0 people. I went to gay bars, queer shows, lesbian clubs, all on my own, and basically accosted strangers until I found my people." She now have an entirely sapphic friend group who she loves. Late last year, they realized how rare their friendship was and decided to facilitate that sense of belonging for others, which is how By Purr started. "It's been incredibly rewarding…" she adds.

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Her queerness took her mother some time to understand, and while it initially led to awkward conversations, it ultimately brought them closer. "It opened the door for us to discuss several other aspects of life […]. I'm incredibly lucky and grateful that she's been very open-minded and caring, as I know many other people who haven't had the same experience."

That relationship, too, has evolved with age. Knox describes growing up as very independent, though her freedom was sometimes limited by her mother out of protectiveness.

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"It was only when I was older, and my mother began to let me in on how she was raised, that I realized why she held those beliefs"

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When asked about her future, Knox is clear that motherhood, in the traditional sense, is not part of it. "I do not see myself having children in the future, nor wanting them. I am, instead, absolutely elated at the prospect of becoming the cool, rich, gay auntie to all my friends' children- always with the guarantee of handing them back at the end of the day so I can enjoy my silent, adults-only apartment... wherever that would be."

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Knox shares moments in her life that feel familiar. Times of confusion and the slow process of understanding who you are, shaped by how you were raised.

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"I think the first and most important thing I'd say to my younger self would be to CALM DOWN. I used to feel so much pressure to identify a certain way, whether ethnically, sexually, or in other aspects of my life. I thought if I gave myself a label, then would I feel that sense of belonging that everyone seemed to talk about, but that just isn't the case," she ends.